He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
