I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i think im in europe. pls send help
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
