dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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