Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
