OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize