lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Blood and glitter go together right?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
