worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
