I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
