I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
