just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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