Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
