Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
