Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
