So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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