Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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