yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
