Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
