Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
