I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
