so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
love makes seman taste better
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
