C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
