bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
