We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
