It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
love makes seman taste better
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
