I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
