can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
