My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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