for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
