I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
