Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
