Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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