on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
