a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
