I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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