They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
