homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
