plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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