my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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