i permit you to call me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
