I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
