I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
