We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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