all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
