Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
