Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
