I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
