mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
