Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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