I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
