This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
